You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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