4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
