Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize