I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
