I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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