Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Houston, we have a squirter
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
