Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize