So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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