It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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