so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
