david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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