i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
