His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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