what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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