I am puke
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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