hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
