you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
