kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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