well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
