I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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