sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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