One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
