we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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