I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The adults are the big ones right?
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