I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
