why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
