i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
