If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
