ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
