so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's like God shit irony all over that family
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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