Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i dont even know how to be here
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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