i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize