Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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