No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
