If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Be still, my beating vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
