Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
