"it" just moved
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
