I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
