good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
