highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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