Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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