I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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