evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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