I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
