This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
