im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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