im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
