escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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