just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize