the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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