So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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