it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
