He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
