I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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