I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
