She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
