I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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