you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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