So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
