so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
