WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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