i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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