You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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