look no pants
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
