It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
