I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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