Betty ford says i'm here all night
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Randomize
