Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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